Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
