I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
