i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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