Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
