Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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