After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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