He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
