he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
