Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And then he peed in my hair
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