So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.