I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
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Do I have a choice?
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?