she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.