had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.