I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
