2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
