I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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