oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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