Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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