I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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