I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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