I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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