I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i now understand why vodka
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
