my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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