I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
