pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
