He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
