Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just want to make out with him forever
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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