i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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