just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize