You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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