Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
