you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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