It's Friday. Sex?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
