Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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