oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize