My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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