This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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