i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
