did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize