We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
