I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
