No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the day after is always just damage control
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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