In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love you. Go after that dick
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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