I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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