I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
