Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
