remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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