My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
