this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We smell like vodka and hangover
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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