Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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