did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
