Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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