the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
