Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
