I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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