im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
