I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
