Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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