Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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