Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
