Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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